Everyone Needs a Pack of Wild Girlfriends

                It has been my experience in life, as a female bodied and female living human being, that everyone needs a pack of wild girlfriends. Here is why:

One: To remind you of who you are

                The longer someone knows you, the better they’re able to remind you of parts of yourself you lost along the way. As time passes, we must adapt to the struggles of living in this world. Those adaptations can cause us to lose ourselves.

                 New wild girlfriends can bring you back to yourself, too. Do not despair if you have broken ties with wild girlfriends of your youth. Being in the right community for you is important. And entering into that community can reignite a spark you lost along the way.

Two: To have a safe space

                Everyone needs a safe space where they can talk without being judged or ridiculed. Where every part of them is welcome. Where they do not need to mask their truths. A place where they can be utterly honest, be embraced, and feel safe to exist.

Three: To explore, to test limits

                When you feel safe in a group, you can try out new parts of yourself that are emerging. Perhaps you do not feel safe to show a new wild wardrobe or a growing part of your personality to the world at large. A pack of wild girlfriends is a safe place for new growth to be tested and limits to be explored.

Four: To shit talk

                Let’s face it. There’s shit in our lives. There are struggles. There are battles. There are people who just rub us the wrong way. In a safe group of wild girlfriends, we can shit talk and that’s okay. Our girlfriends know that this is a pressure release valve and necessary for sanity, but not malicious. We trust our words will go no further. We can vent out what does not serve us.

Five: To be mothered, sistered, aunted

                Adults need someone to care for them, too. It’s a strange thing in our world that once a person reaches adulthood we act as if they do not need nurturing anymore. Nothing could be further from the truth. Every human, regardless of age needs nurturing. In a pack of wild girlfriends, you can receive the nurturing that you need and deserve. You can receive the support you need when life gets rough. Or even when life isn’t rough, someone cheering you on and believing in you is magic.

Six: To mother, sister, aunt others

                There is reciprocity in this. Sometimes you are the one being nurtured. Sometimes you are the one nurturing. I believe this is also a quintessential human need: to care for others and be needed by others in a community. Someone relying on you can give a sense of purpose that other life tasks just do not give.

Seven: To feel less alone

                To just simply be with others. To have a place to go and be with others who care for you and hold you in loving regard.

But also, to have others validate your experiences by saying they’ve felt that way, too. To sit with someone, share something personal, and have that person say, ‘Oh my goodness! Same! Same! Same!’ Both of you are released from a prison of secrecy and perhaps even shame because you both have had the same experience.

Eight: To increase confidence

                Being loved and accepted by a pack of wild girlfriends bolsters your self-esteem, your confidence. Knowing that there is a group out there that accepts you helps get through almost any situation. They know you and like you and have your back. So you can do anything.

Nine: To get valuable feedback

                When you’re being a shit you need someone to call you on your bullshit. Period. A real pack of wild girlfriends will tell you when you are being a shit, call you out, and help you course correct.

Ten: To gain new perspectives

                No two human beings have the same lived experience. That is quite impossible. Spending time with wild girlfriends will allow you to learn from their experiences and perspectives. It will give you insight that you haven’t thought of yourself. Whether you are sharing a problem or just chatting about life, you get a chance to hear about life from another person’s perspective and learn something new.

And of course: TO BE WILD

                Whatever wild feels like and looks like to you. It could be going out dancing until the wee hours. It could be to fan girl over the same celebrity. It could be drinking tea on a Sunday afternoon. Wild looks and feels different to everyone. But really it is to let loose in a way that feels real and good and untethered. A true expression of self.

LET ME BE CLEAR

                A pack of wild girlfriends can be just two people. It does not need to be a crowd. It can be as small or as large as feels comfortable. It can be as diverse in gender, age, race, lived experience, etc as necessary. The minimum is that all members of the group feel safe to show up as themselves, not mask their truth, and feel seen, heard, and nurtured as a pack member.

Some examples of packs: a grandmother and granddaughter; a sorority, a yoga class, an aunt and niblings, sisters, a study group for a macro economics class. A pack of wild girlfriends can come together anywhere from any origin for any reason as long as there is safety and care built in.

I believe in the need for such a group for each human being with my whole heart. It is my goal in life to cultivate such spaces.