Movement vs Stillness, Mel Robbins vs Dr. Martha Beck

I’m sitting in an arena with eight thousand women.

The lights dim.

A video starts playing on the jumbotron. Thumping base music resonates in my chest.

I hear a woman behind me whisper, ‘There she is.’

My eyes move from the jumbotron to the arena floor.

Mel Robbins is running around the arena high fiving and smiling as avid conference attendees try to reach for her.

My eyes turn back to the jumbotron. There is a lot of rapid movement. People crossing right in front of the camera. Contrived scenes of collaboration and consultation. Mel approving papers or looking over shoulders. Supposed life experts like Oprah praising Mel for her life changing work.

The music crescendos. The video ends. The lights come up. And there is Mel Robbins center stage.

I will be completely honest. I didn’t really know who Mel Robbins was before seeing her speak. I had, of course, heard her name, but I never really looked into her work, watched or listened to her content, read her books, or really engaged with her persona at all. Apparently, she has 11.7 million followers on Instagram. I am not one of them. Nor did I rush to follow her after seeing her speak.

Mel is a compelling speaker. I was absolutely swept away by her talk. She is engaging and has an incredibly story. She spoke about her rags to riches story of going from being $800K in debt, depressed, and drinking to this incredible life of fame and fortune that she has now. She claims the tool that got her there is that every time she doesn’t want to do something, every time she starts to ruminate instead of taking action she tells herself 5,4,3,2,1 and then does the things she needs to do. Something about this did not sit right with me, and Mel herself said not to use this when needing to do serious things like sign legal papers or getting married. But for small things the override is necessary. She also spoke about realizing that when you are in a tough moment and everything seems horrible, realize the scale of your life. She showed, using a graph, how small two years of your life is when compared with the average lifespan.

Mel’s talk was all about dynamic movement, moving forward, keep going, kicking ass through the tough times until you get to the top just like her. I found myself thinking, ‘What am I not doing? What more can I do? What else can I add to what I am already doing so I can do more and be successful?’ Seeing Mel be so successful and dynamic raised a feeling of inadequacy in me and an urgency to do even more than I was already doing. AND I JUST PUBLISHED NOT ONE BUT TWO BOOKS! How could it be that I am inadequate when I am already doing so much?

What shocked me was when Mel left the stage, everyone in the audience stood up and left, too. I was totally unprepared for everyone as one to stand up, begin to gather their things, and just leave. The conference had an entire afternoon scheduled after Mel Robbins. But it seemed no one planned to stay. They had gotten what they came for and were ready to go. Now granted most people had been there since 7 or 8 am. But still.

What’s more, is the speaker I had come there to see was going to be up shortly. How could everyone leave when Dr. Martha Beck was about to speak?

So Martha spoke to an arena that was about 75% empty. It didn’t deter her. It did not throw her off her game or make her any less eloquent. Martha’s talk was a great deal more subdued. She did not have a video presentation, slides, or fun or funny images. She didn’t come out to thumping music. Instead, she spoke gently and pulled the remaining audience in. She spoke about how we live in a world that is currently designed to make us feel anxiety, to make our nervous systems dysregulated. She slowed everything down and guided us on a loving kindness meditation. She had us meditate on two versions of ourselves - our inner wild child and the get it done do the things adult. As we followed her words, the energy in the room began to change. Here we were in this huge, echoing, mostly empty arena that was now filled with this buzzy stillness that felt like beauty had entered the room. I did not feel inadequate after she spoke. Instead, I felt contemplative. I wondered, ‘What does my inner wild child need to feel fulfilled? What does my inner get it done do the things adult need to feel cared for? How can I make these parts of me feel seen?’.

Now I will not say that one talk was any better than the other. Both Martha and Mel had experiences, knowledge, and practical tips that were valuable to share. I had important takeaways from both women. And both women were integral to balance the offerings of the conference.

The one thing I will say about Mel versus Martha is that Mel seems to be contributing to the problem that Martha was pointing out. With all her pomp and circumstances, with the flashy movement and running about, Mel is selling an idea of a lifestyle that is about do, do, do, and go, go, go. Go further, faster, and strive for a life like Mel’s because if Mel could do it then everyone can. That is simply not true in a society that has structural inequality. Mel has white, skinny, blonde privilege. Not everyone is going to get the chances she did simply because of their skin color, socio-economic status, or other factors beyond their control.

I, personally, am more on the side of Martha. I have done the go, go, go thing and it led to burnout and distress. These days I am all about slowing down and taking care of all of my parts.

I think Mel is part of the system that creates the anxiety that Martha is teaching the antidote to.

That being said, sometimes, you just needa 5,4,3,2,1 yourself into getting things done. And there are some moments of the day that require my stillness, presence, and reflection. Sometimes I need to be still and look within to find out why I am not doing that thing: do I need rest, do I need support, is there a wound or trauma, what deep thing is happening. And other moments are just for getting up and getting the dishes done, or making that phone call, or taking a shower.